THE VIRUS ROADSHOW

yo! ... blast from the past... innit!

beautiful, fragrant..

fiona bruce..

hosts the famous palookaville..

antiques show..

this week live from..

the nightingale hospital..

our hostess..

is regaled in the finest bin liners and rags..

only to be expected..

here in palookaville..

FIRST UP

an old virus from the second world war..

the audience loves these old ..

military yarns..

seems like..

100 years ago..

that this old virus..

played it's merry games..

in a very tired post war..

population..

The Spanish flu, also known as the 1918 flu pandemic..

was an unusually deadly influenza pandemic..

Lasting from January 1918 to December 1920..

it infected 500 million people..

about a third of the world's population at the time.^[2]

 The death toll is estimated to have been anywhere from..

17 million to 50 million, and possibly as high as 100 million..

making it one of the deadliest pandemics in human history.^[3]

of course..

things were different then..

they didn't have our..

modern equipment..

excellent ppe..

computer simulations..

virus modelling..

infection tracking..

infection detectives..

ta test an trace..

those poor souls..

carryin the plague..

these days..

with our great leap forwards..

to modern times..

we have the virus..

fully under control..

we know all there is to know..

all about it..

we own this little fucker..

BASIC BETTER BEST

here on..

the antique virus show..

we have experts..

who can tell..

which countries..

are winning the games..

some are best practice economies..

test and trace, formal quarantine, full ppe..

some are simply..

better than others..

you know..

fewer infections, fewer deaths..

less economic damage, less heart ache..

and of course..

some are basic..

and we all know which ones these are..

A PRICE MUST BE IDENTIFIED

for that is the point of the show..

so fiona..

what is the cost of each countries games?

well.. what do the audience think?..

what about you little boy..

" I stuck my finger in the dyke"

great!

and what about you madame?

I think that..

the british and american games are the basic..

the german and new zealand games are better..

an taiwan is the best..

SO FAR SO BAD

here on the antique virus game show..

we like ta go out with a bang..

something really expensive..

that will get the viewers cheering..

and increase the ratings..

 so what is this week's most expensive mistake?

COMING UP

 no big drama..

antiques roadshow removed from air..

all filming cancelled..

a spokes person for the bbc says..

too many happy people..

close together in a public space..

too many smiling faces..

we felt it would only..

depress the viewers..

who are having..

to stay at home and watch..

pictures of the life they used to have..

and can now no longer look forward to..