THE VIRUS ROADSHOW

yo! ... blast from the past... innit!

beautiful, fragrant..

fiona bruce..

hosts the famous palookaville..

antiques show..

this week live from..

the nightingale hospital..

our hostess..

is regaled in the finest bin liners and rags..

only to be expected..

here in palookaville..

FIRST UP

an old virus from the second world war..

the audience loves these old ..

military yarns..

seems like..

100 years ago..

that this old virus..

played it's merry games..

in a very tired post war..

population..

The Spanish flu, also known as the 1918 flu pandemic..

was an unusually deadly influenza pandemic..

Lasting from January 1918 to December 1920..

it infected 500 million people..

about a third of the world's population at the time.^[2]

 The death toll is estimated to have been anywhere from..

17 million to 50 million, and possibly as high as 100 million..

making it one of the deadliest pandemics in human history.^[3]

of course..

things were different then..

they didn't have our..

modern equipment..

excellent ppe..

computer simulations..

virus modelling..

infection tracking..

infection detectives..

ta test an trace..

those poor souls..

carryin the plague..

these days..

with our great leap forwards..

to modern times..

we have the virus..

fully under control..

we know all there is to know..

all about it..

we own this little fucker..

BASIC BETTER BEST

here on..

the antique virus show..

we have experts..

who can tell..

which countries..

are winning the games..

some are best practice economies..

test and trace, formal quarantine, full ppe..

some are simply..

better than others..

you know..

fewer infections, fewer deaths..

less economic damage, less heart ache..

and of course..

some are basic..

and we all know which ones these are..

A PRICE MUST BE IDENTIFIED

for that is the point of the show..

so fiona..

what is the cost of each countries games?

well.. what do the audience think?..

what about you little boy..

" I stuck my finger in the dyke"

great!

and what about you madame?

I think that..

the british and american games are the basic..

the german and new zealand games are better..

an taiwan is the best..

SO FAR SO BAD

here on the antique virus game show..

we like ta go out with a bang..

something really expensive..

that will get the viewers cheering..

and increase the ratings..

 so what is this week's most expensive mistake?

COMING UP

 no big drama..

antiques roadshow removed from air..

all filming cancelled..

a spokes person for the bbc says..

too many happy people..

close together in a public space..

too many smiling faces..

we felt it would only..

depress the viewers..

who are having..

to stay at home and watch..

pictures of the life they used to have..

and can now no longer look forward to..

HAVE VIRUS WILL TRAVEL

yo!... only game in town... innit!

the sun shines down on palookaville...

an a folks like ta go outside...

maybe some lak ta visit a seaside...

even though a shops is shut...

amusements on hold...

cafes closed...

beach closed...

GO THE SOCIAL DISTANCE

don't go the extra mile...

THE VIRUS GAME

is the only game in town...

all other games are off...

it's games over for football...

games over fo olympics...

games over fo basketball, baseball,

what evva

GREAT WALL OF CHINA

the chinese are favourite to win a games...

well they invented them...

they were first up to bat...

and by all accounts...

played a blinder...

knocked a virus fo six innit...

some say the didn't play the game...

not with a straight bat...

only they can telll

anyway...

the great wall was breached anna virus...

flew around the world...

kicking off the world series...

TRAINS AN BOATS AN PLANES

now every country playing by it's own rules...

no referee...

china takes an early bath...

retired but not out...

the crowd is restless...

and will not stay...

off the park...

until ground rules are fully agreed...

the mob will rule... 

THRONE OF GAMES

who will be the winning team?

it looks like taiwan...

"Taiwan rapidly produced and implemented a list of at least 124 action items in the past five weeks to protect public health," report co-author Jason Wang, a Taiwanese doctor and associate professor of pediatrics at Stanford Medicine, said in a statement. 

"The policies and actions go beyond border control because they recognized that that wasn't enough."

This was while other countries were still debating whether to take action. 

In a study conducted in January, Johns Hopkins University said Taiwan was one of the most at-risk areas outside of mainland China -- owing to its close proximity, ties and transport links.

Among those early decisive measures was the decision to ban travel from many parts of China, stop cruise ships docking at the island's ports, and introduce strict punishments for anyone found breaching home quarantine orders.- from cnn

but germany will probably snatch it...

in extra time...

WHAT COMES AROUND

the games are played every several years..

they are not always kicked off in china...

the last really big games was 100 years ago...

and was kicked off in the USA

though for some reason...

they were called the

spanish games...

I SEE NO SHIPS

winners an losers..

but mostly losers...

it's airplanes nil...

cruise lines nil...

navy ships nil...

travel is the biggest losing team

TOURISTS FUCK OFF

go home palookas...

you are not wanted here...

virus invisiblity...

tarnishes all travellers... 

traveling is public enemy number one...

we cannot even agree on how to spell it!

A SOCIAL DISEASE

yo!... slow hand clap... innit!

in palookaville today...

be good to your self...

stay in, stay alone, stay safe...

A VERY SOCIABLE VIRUS

little fucker loves ta party...

likes ta git among it...

the more you mix...

the sooner you die...

BAKED INNA PIE

keep folks cooped up up in high density...

let em lve wivva exotic animals...

ride em onna subway...

lots akissy feely...

then go visit folks...

all ovva a wurl...

CLAP GOT NOTHING ON THIS DUDE

time was...

sex was needed...

fo a clap to spread...

from sucker ta sucker...

THE CLAP THIS TIME

little fucker makes yo cough...

little fucker makes yo sneeze...

little fucker in the air around yo...

evva time yo breathe

all you need is love...

to spread him all around...

love of family, love of friends,

love to visit...

love ta party...

IT'S PARTY OFF DUDE

palookaville asks us ta clap for the NHS...

clap for the medics...

 clap for those who care fo the sick...

IF YOU WILL STAY AT HOME SO WILL I

cos if we don stay home...

 it gon be clap...

fo the health service...

an clap fo the nurses...

and clap fo you an clap fo me

SLOW HAND CLAP 

VIRUS CLAP