WHAT ON EARTH WAS I THINKING

so I was in this huge circular studio..

It had been a hospital ward..

with beds and stuff..

It was a time of plenty..

all the canvas and oils I could possibly want..

I could afford to throw the paint around..

and spin the spirit soaked canvases around..

to manipulate the run off..

I would paint in the zone..

fast and furious..

using as many colours as possible..

decorators brushes..

palette knives..

drawing directly with the paint tube..


BUT WHAT WAS I THINKING


I had decided to use this gothic window..

with a view over hills and sky..

an idealised landscape..

a vision of paradise..


BUT WHAT ABOUT THE TEDDY BEAR


when I was a little kid..

we would play out on the waste piece..

all day and evening..

and come home muddy and soaked..

my mother would put me in the kitchen sink..

and scrub me clean..


SO THIS IS ME RIGHT


not really..

this is god..

yes you heard me correctly..

I was trying to create a different image..

something unseen before..

something powerful and dramatic..

something cosmic..

divine..

other..


WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT MODERNISM


don't get me wrong..

I love the paintings..

mondrian, rothko, pollock, whatever..

but that century was over..

robert hughes had said so..


THE SHOCK OF THE SHOCK


so I find myself..

long on supplies..

but short..

the big idea..

so freedom's just another word..

for nothing left to lose lose..

so..

madonna and child..

madonna off screen..

maybe still in make-up..

the baby deity..

is washing up..

washing away the sins of the world..


SO WHY IS HIS HEAD EXPLODING..


well it's a halo thing I guess..

you know..

the sun god..

lit from behind..

slowdazzle..

it's a fauvist thing innit..

wild animal artist..

goes walkabout with paint..

splashing out..

letting go..