THE OLYMPICS IN REVERSE

yo!.. gamin the games... innit!


in palookaville..

we take our games..

seriously..


THE VIRUS GAMES


so in the olympic games..

we were used to seeing the..

americans win big time..

gold..

the usa was always on the podium..

old glory..

up there with the winners..


HEY RUBE


what the hell happened?

in the virus games..

it's america last..

days of old glory past..

people have started talking..

people started walking..


DROPPING THE BALL


who is to blame?

you may well ask..

is it the players?

is it the team..

the crowd don't like it..

and they bayin fo blood..


BAD NEWS PLAYBOOK


in plaookaville..

we blame the coach..

he tor up the rule book..

would not wear the kit..

overruled the ref..

never had a playbook..

never had a clue..

in denial..

head in the sand..

leadership never sailed..


HIDING IN THE DUGOUT


now he is lost..

the crowd look on..

in disbelief..

as he digs his self..

the deepest hole..


AMERICA IN EXTRA TIME


the american team..

is havin ta play extra time..

they have failed to score..

it's neck and neck..

backs ta the wall..

hail mary..

an pass out the masks..

the bar has re-closed..

the fat lady banned from singin..

the band plays not..

flags at half mast..

where will it all end..

when will it all end?



CASINO ROYALLY FUCKED


in the casino..

the gamblers..

place their bets..

so far it's all good..

free money for all..

what's not ta like..


THE ONLY GAMES IN TOWN


they know it's rigged..

but what can they do?

if they want to play..

it's the only game in town..

don't bet against the house..

the house will always win..

what are the odds..


COMING UP


trump returned to the white house..

nasdac takes off..

737 max stays in the air..

NEVER MIND THE HYPER BOWL

yo!.. this sporting life... innit!

we're missing our sports..

here in palookaville..

the virus has postponed..

a normal sporting life..

all we have left are..

THE VIRUS GAMES

the season won't end until..

THE HYPER BOWL

you know..

when the bull shit gets so loud..

and so thick..

that even poor teams can win..

NOT FIT TO PLAY

the trouble with these games..

THE CURRENT WORLD SERIES

is that there is no..

level playing field..

for some it is an unequal..

virus load..

some o the virus strain..

is nastier than others..

who gets what is just..

the luck of the draw..

then again..

some o the teams ain't fit..

some of the coaches are crap..

team leaders fail to get the playbook right..

some fail to understand the rules..

but mostly..

the players are past their prime..

or the wrong color..

or too fat..

or just plain knackered..

how can you win these games?

if you start off on the wrong foot..

MONEY ON THE SIDELINES

all bets are off..

the spectators..

are in the bar..

or in the pavillion..

having afternoon tea..

the oil that normally..

lubricates the sport..

has gone down the lavatory..

they can't get..

the big palooka..

off the tele..

they just can't shut him up..

the crowd are gettin restless..

they want the ref. ta shut him up..

or send him off..

time penalties apply..

THE SEARCH IS ON

for the persons who started these games..

the crowd are baying for blood..

but they fail to see..

it was the airplanes wot done it..

yes the virus is a..

nasty little fucker..

but he cain't fly..

without help from above..

WHAT ARE THEIR NAMES

and on what streets do they live..

MEANWHILE

the crowd begins to sing..

a range of traditional..

sportin songs..

the hyper bowl..

would not be the national fixture..

that it is..

without the crowd singalong..

sing a song of sixpence..

a catcher in awry..

four an twenty animals..

baked inna pie..

when a pie was opened..

a virus begin ta sing..

oh what a dainty dish..

ta put before a king..

OH DEAR

oh dear what canna matter be?

the price of oil..

has gone down a lavatory..

we've all gone short..

til after next saturday..

THRILLS AND SPILLS

the score board is signaling..

the end of the first quarter..

the yankees are takin a beating..

but remain in good heart..

the problem for the suits..

is what happens..

once the african and indian games get rolling..

the numbers could be off the charts..

then there is the catering..

the contracts for the food concessions..

have failed to sell..

and now it ain't just the players..

but the crowd also..

that gets ta go hungry..

ONE FOR THE RECORD BOOKS

it looks like we..

goin down ta a wire..

an extra time will..

need ta be played..

the arguing, gouging an shirt pullin..

will go on an on..

WELCOME TO THE GAMES MR PUTIN

 yo!... are ya watchin mr trump?... innit!

in palookaville.. 

A LITTLE HUMILITY GOES A LONG WAY

...it has become clear in recent days that Russia is unlikely to escape a severe hit by the pandemic..

 presenting an existential test to the country’s teetering health system..

and a new challenge to the aura..

 of rising confidence and competence..

projected by Putin’s Kremlin..

“We have a lot of problems..

and we don’t have much to brag about..

nor reason to..

and we certainly can’t relax,”..

Putin told senior officials Monday in his bleakest comments on the crisis yet..

 “We are not past the peak of the epidemic, not even in Moscow.”

Putin warned of overworked medical staff and shortages of protective equipment,..

acknowledging what critics said was long clear..

that Russia’s health system could be strained..

beyond its breaking point..

by the pandemic..

and that the government needed to do more to get ready.

As footage of hourslong lines of ambulances..

outside Moscow emergency rooms..

ricocheted through Russian social networks..

over the weekend..

health officials went on state television..

and confirmed that the images were real..

A LITTLE HONESTY TOO

“We objectively did not pay very much attention,” ..

Golikova, the task force head..

admitted in an interview aired Sunday night..

 “to how effectively the infectious disease service needs to be prepared.”

By Monday, Russia’s total number of confirmed cases of COVID-19 had reached 18,328..

double the level of five days earlier..

The number of deaths stood at 148..

a number widely seen as an undercount..

 amid reports of other causes of death..

being declared for people who were ill..

with COVID-like symptoms.

coming up..

on..

THE VIRUS GAMES

undercounting the cost..

early bath not called..

cheaters don't win..

YOU HAVE ONE NEW MISSED MESSAGE

yo!... virus callin... innit!

calls are cummin in..

ta unlock the lock down..

in palookaville..

nobody likes to..

spend time with..

the family..

their kids..

no one wants to breath..

the new fresh air..

listen to the new silence..

they are getting fed up..

of..

THE VIRUS GAMES

simple cyrus says..

put your hands in the air..

an shake them all about..

this will make my message spread..

especially when you shout..

WE CAME HERE TO PLAY

we've also come to stay..

NEW COVID 20 

if you wish..

ta end the games..

you will have to..

do what you have so far..

disasterously refused to do..

prepare.. prepare..prepare..

test.. test.. test..

trace.. trace.. trace..

quarantine seriously..

not by self..

pay sick pay..

stop travelling..

masks and visors for all..


FORTY SHADES OF GREEN


In Ireland, we consume a great deal of British media.

This means that we’ve been watching..

with growing despair and grief..

 British news reports chronicling a national disaster..

But for weeks now, long before the death rate accelerated..

we’ve been watching and reading your reports with a queasy feeling..

We knew of the measures and plans the Irish government was putting in place to protect us..

and we knew how far..

your government was slipping behind.

When our taoiseach was..

closing our schools and universities,

your prime minister was still telling you to wash your hands..

When our government cancelled St Patrick’s Day celebrations..

 yours allowed the Cheltenham Festival to go ahead..

a potentially massive multi-day super-spreading event of over 250,000 people..

 The contrast was disorientating..

Nowhere was the dissonance more marked than on the weekend before St Patrick’s day..

By that point..

Ireland had banned indoor gatherings of more than 100 people..

but had stopped short of closing the pubs..

A video showing revellers in Temple Bar went viral..

a public outcry ensued; #closethepubs trended on Irish Twitter..

the minister for health commented..

and voluntary pub closures..

began the following morning..


I DRANK IN PETEY LAWLER'S WHILE BILLY STUART SANG

Alone all alone by the wave-washed strand
And alone in a crowded hall

 
The hall it is gay and the waves they are grand
But my heart is not here at all
It flies far away by night and by day

 To the times and the joys that are gone
But I never will forget the sweet maiden I met
In the valley near Slieve Na Mban

coming up..

NEW COVID 21

LAME DUCK PRESIDENT

STATE OF THE UNION

THREE STRIKES AND YOU'RE OUT

THE WORLD SERIES

yo!... yogi berra... innit!

in palookaville today...

the virus games are really takin off...

testing times...

NOT !

If you don't know where you are going, you'll end up someplace else.

DON'T TEST DON'T TELL

You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, 

because you might not get there.

germany way out in front...

testing shows the way... 

while here in palookaville...

It's like déjà vu all over again.

 poorly equiped, poorly armed, out played...

the virus game playbook...

is still to be written

GAMES WITHIN GAMES

some say itta game o two halves...

others that...

some are cheatin...

 It ain't over till it's over

 whatever games they are playin...

the score board is horrendous

HOME RUN 

the big palooka needs a hole in one...

but he left his clubs inna dugout...

refusal to provide his team...

with essential matching kit...

has caused confusion...

and mistakes...

the diamond...

has to become a field hospital...

the numbers carried off...

are scaring the crowd...

in the bleachers

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

games are being played by every body

but behind closed doors

this series is...

too dangerous to watch

No one goes there nowadays, it’s too crowded.

WHAT A PLAYER

the big palooka...

has knocked the ball...

right outta a park...

his team are runnin around in circles...

try not to make a catch... 

nobody wants to be caught out

A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.

the sports personalities

are demanding their wages

for not playing the game...

the clubs are demanding...

to be bailed out...

the crowd is baying for blood...

run out, caught out, stumped!

The future ain't what it used to be

the virus as changed the game

it mutates into debt...

it's a new world...

disorder

Slump? I ain’t in no slump… I just ain’t hitting.

DANSE MACABRE

              Like influenza he walks abroad,

              He stands by the bridge, he waits by the ford,

             As a goose or a gull he flies overhead,

               He hides in the cupboard and under the bed...

              The Unknown Citizen

W. H. Auden  

1907-1973

(To JS/07 M 378 This Marble Monument Is Erected by the State)

He was found by the Bureau of Statistics to be
One against whom there was no official complaint,
And all the reports on his conduct agree
That, in the modern sense of an old-fashioned word, he was a saint,
For in everything he did he served the Greater Community.

Except for the War till the day he retired
He worked in a factory and never got fired,
But satisfied his employers, Fudge Motors Inc.

Yet he wasn't a scab or odd in his views,
For his Union reports that he paid his dues,
(Our report on his Union shows it was sound)

And our Social Psychology workers found 

That he was popular with his mates and liked a drink.

The Press are convinced that he bought a paper every day
And that his reactions to advertisements were normal in every way.

Policies taken out in his name prove that he was fully insured,

And his Health-card shows he was once in hospital but left it cured.

Both Producers Research and High-Grade Living declare

 He was fully sensible to the advantages of the Instalment Plan
And had everything necessary to the Modern Man,

A phonograph, a radio, a car and a frigidaire.

Our researchers into Public Opinion are content
That he held the proper opinions for the time of year;

When there was peace, he was for peace: when there was war, he went.

He was married and added five children to the population,

Which our Eugenist says was the right number for a parent of his generation.

And our teachers report that he never interfered with their education.

Was he free? Was he happy? The question is absurd:

Had anything been wrong, we should certainly have heard.

MORE FAMOUS VIRUS QUOTES 

If you ask me anything I don’t know, I’m not going to answer.

I never said most of the things I said.

I never blame myself when I’m not hitting. 

I just blame the bat and if it keeps up, 

I change bats. 

After all, if I know it isn’t my fault that I’m not hitting, 

how can I get mad at myself? 

You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, 

because you might not get there.

Mickey Mantle was a very good golfer, 

but we weren’t allowed to play golf during the season; 

only at spring training. 

I wish everybody had the drive he (Joe DiMaggio) had. 

He never did anything wrong on the field.

I’d never seen him dive for a ball, 

everything was a chest-high catch,

and he never walked off the field.

Take it with a grin of salt.

If the world were perfect, it wouldn’t be.

I’m a lucky guy and I’m happy to be with the Yankees. 

And I want to thank everyone for making this night necessary.

A lot of guys go, 

‘Hey, Yog, say a Yogi-ism.’ 

I tell ’em, ‘I don’t know any.’ 

They want me to make one up. 

I don’t make ’em up. 

I don’t even know when I say it. 

They’re the truth. 

And it is the truth. 

I don’t know. 

BACK TO THE 19 THIRTIES

Bagpipe music (1938) 

Louis MacNeice

Oxford English Dictionary (OED) Links On

It’s no go the merrygoround, it’s no go the rickshaw,
All we want is a limousine and a ticket for the peepshow.

Their knickers are made of crêpe-de-chine, their shoes are made of python,
Their halls are lined with tiger rugs and their walls with heads of bison.

John MacDonald found a corpse, put it under the sofa,
Waited till it came to life and hit it with a poker,
Sold its eyes for souvenirs, sold its blood for whisky,
Kept its bones for dumb-bells to use when he was fifty.

It’s no go the Yogi-Man, it’s no go Blavatsky,
All we want is a bank balance and a bit of skirt in a taxi.

Annie MacDougall went to milk, caught her foot in the heather,
Woke to hear a dance record playing of Old Vienna.

It’s no go your maidenheads, it’s no go your culture,
All we want is a Dunlop tyre and the devil mend the puncture.

The Laird o’Phelps spent Hogmanay declaring he was sober,
Counted his feet to prove the fact and found he had one foot over.

Mrs Carmichael had her fifth, looked at the job with repulsion,
Said to the midwife ‘Take it away; I’m through with
over-production’.

It’s no go the gossip column, it’s no go the Ceilidh,
All we want is a mother’s help and a sugar-stick for the baby.

Willie Murray cut his thumb, couldn’t count the damage,
Took the hide of an Ayrshire cow and used it for a bandage.

His brother caught three hundred cran when the seas were lavish,
Threw the bleeders back in the sea and went upon the parish.

It’s no go the Herring Board, it’s no go the Bible,
All we want is a packet of fags when our hands are idle.

It’s no go the picture palace, it’s no go the stadium,
It’s no go the country cot with a pot of pink geraniums,
It’s no go the Government grants, it’s no go the elections,
Sit on your arse for fifty years and hang your hat on a pension.

It’s no go my honey love, it’s no go my poppet;
Work your hands from day to day, the winds will blow the profit.

The glass is falling hour by hour, the glass will fall forever,
But if you break the bloody glass you won’t hold up the weather.

 

 

 

 


 




 

THE VIRUS GAMES : UPDATE

yo!... game set an match... innit!

here in palookaville...

the virus games outplays...

all other sports...

WIMBLEDON BEATEN

the whole tennis lawn...

has to be re-seeded...

virus knocks balls...

right outta a court


NEW UNIFORM DESIGN


due ta the transmission worldwide...

demand for kit has rocketed...

teams are out of kit...

no masks, no visors, no gowns...

some say we need a new design...

some a new colour...

some say a new shield...

whatevva...

get it done...

as long as we ate safe at home...

watchin onna bleaches tv...

 y'all play nicely nah

 DON'T TEST, DON'T TELL 

it ain't cricket...

bowlin googlies...

right dahn a bodyline...

test match is history...

each country got it's own test...

but do they work?...

nothing is working...

on one is working...

STADIUM AWAY

footballers gotta givva wages back...

teams relegated to social distance...

managers sacked...

empty stadium...

balls go missing

TELEVISION RIGHTS SOLD OUT

ball's in their court...

they only broadcast...

the virus games...

24/7 live coverage...

follow a numbers...

keep a score...

CANCELLATION  CANCELLATION  CANCELLATION

evva one tunin in...

the big palooka...

fills the screen...

for hours each day...

he got his team...

standin behind him...

they all on side...

he got em trained...

he got em drilled...

all we want ta know...

WHAT'S THE FINAL SCORE?

THE VIRUS GAMES

yo!... pandemic pandemonium... innit!

in palookaville every several years...

we have the virus games...

people are crammed into tiny homes...

in huge blocks of flats (condos)

with livestock an stuff...

jus ta see who gets bit a most...

some years only minor games are played...

GAMES DIFFERENT THIS TIME

turns out...

some bat bit some snake...

snake vomits on dog...

chickens come home to roost...

anna shit hitta fan...

folks run fo they airport...

just to spread a word...

folks get bit all ovva a wurl...

governments play down games and deny...

testing is banned from substance...

PARTY ON

aboard the titanic...

evva body drinkin an laughphin...

huge crowds inna stadiums...

virus get good an spread...

folks get good an dead

THRONE OF GAMES

the big palookas...

weigh in...

keep on truckin folks...

party on lak they no tomorra...

DON'T TEST, DON'T TELL

blindfolds are handed out...

so no one can see the truth...

observers are shouted down...

statistics finessed...

BARE KNUCKLE FIGHTS

medical heros are forced...

to fight bare handed...

masks are not allowed...

visors and shields...

down

WINNERS ONLINE

a record is kept...

winning teams identified...

argument starts...

some say the winner is the state...

with the highest number of cases...

and the most media coverage...

some say it's the state...

 with the most recovered...

some say...

 it's the deaths stupid!

AND THE WINNER IS

the state with the lowest number of...

deaths per million of population...

lowest nuber of deaths period...

fewest cases ever!

GAMES OVER

the virus games go on an on...

far into the night...

but

it's games over fo airlines...

it's games over fo olympics...

games over fo football...

games over...

all over

DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SETS

normal service will be resumed... 

do not call us...

we'll say when